Barka da Sallah!

As usual, every Sallah this page tries to keep it nice and light. And lighter today that your Columnist is still in the strike mood and mode. And to all our students asking “When are you resuming?”, we say “Pray hard. Very hard. See what prayer - plus foreign healthcare - can do to our President. May Allah make it easy on you and us, your parents.”

Now then, as always every Sallah we re-share some good messages that have been distributed on cyberspace which we think are worth re-reading for their weight and import. Our offerings today shall be sprinkled with some seasonally-correct Readers Digest jokes from your Columnist’s favourite magazine, it of the “Laughter is the best Medicine”.

Some helpings have been edited for space and coherence, so they may look a bit different from the ones you may have earlier read. Enjoy:

WHO TO CALL: A certain wealthy person went to the mosque for prayer. After the Salam and most congregants had left, he noticed a certain gentleman earnest in duá, apparently beseeching Allah for something. The rich man continued: “I could hear the man’s voice mixed with tears as he prayed, and I kept away till he finished. When I noticed he was done, I approached him and asked if I could be of help.” He said: ‘Well, I am in dire and serious need. My wife needs an urgent surgery but she can’t have it until we make a deposit, and we can’t afford that at the moment.’ I asked how much it was and he told me. I gave him the money. The moment he received it, he fell in prostration, sujud, thanking Allah. He prolonged the thanks to Allah, almost forgetting I was there. When he was done, he turned and thanked me, and made a duá for me also. He seemed an honest man, so I asked if he needed anything more, and he said no. So I wrote out my cell phone number on my business card and gave it to him, and told him to feel free to call me if he needed any help in the future. He smiled and gave the card back to me and said: ‘Thank you Sir. I know Who to call to help me in the future. The One Who sent you to me.’”

EATING WITH CARE (Cindy Yates, Mill Valley, California): “My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, ‘Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.’ Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap. After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, ‘How did you kill that fly all by yourself?’ Between bites, she said, ‘I hit it with my pickle.’”

ON KWALLIYAR SALLAH (Anonymous): “It’s amazing how a person can be complimented and insulted at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my co-worker, she said, ‘You look so gorgeous I didn’t recognize you.’”

RICHER THAN GATES: It is said Bill Gates was asked if he ever encountered someone he thought made him feel really down to earth. He was said to have said: “Yes, and a very significant one at that. Many years ago, I was at the airport and was reading newspaper headlines at a vendor’s. I liked one of them and I wanted to buy it, but I didn’t have change, as it was long before POS etc. When I didn’t find change, I abandoned the purchase. A little boy at the vendor’s noticed my problem and rushed out to give me the newspaper. When I said I didn’t have change, he said, ‘No problem, take it free.’ After three months, I went to the airport again. Coincidentally, that same scene re-enacted itself and the same boy gave me another free newspaper. I said I couldn’t accept it but he insisted, saying, ‘I give it to you from my profit.’ After a couple of decades, when I had become very wealthy, I decided to look for that boy. I found him after one and half months of searching. I asked him, ‘Do you recognise me?’ He said, ‘Yes, you’re Mr. Bill Gates.’ I said, ‘You twice gave me free newspapers many years ago. Now I want to compensate you by giving you anything that you may ask. The young man replied, ‘No, you can’t really compensate.’ I asked why and he said, ‘Because I gave you when I was poor. Now you want to give me when you are rich. So how do you compensate?’ What truth! That is a person richer than rich!”

ON EXPANDING INVENTORY (Sally Thorinson, Ferndale, Washington): I spotted several pairs of jeans at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair that size. He shook his head and said “I’m still wearing the 33s. Come back next year.”

INTELLIGENT BY HALFS (Carole Holder, Norman, Oklahoma): “The food at the sandwich shop I frequent is good, but any deviation from the norm throws the staff. I once told a clerk that I wanted only half a sandwich. His reply: ‘What am I going to do with the other half?’ A week later when I told another clerk the same thing, she responded, ‘Do you want the top or the bottom?’”

DON’T ERASE MISTAKES: “When I started using pen in my primary school, and I made a mistake, I would try hard to erase it before submitting to my teacher. Sometimes, I would use chalk to clean my mistake, but it later re-appeared through the chalk. So I began to use saliva. It worked, but only to leave holes in my books. My teachers then used to beat me for being outrageously dirty. But all I tried to do was to cover my errors. One day, a kind-hearted teacher who loved me so much called me aside and he said, ‘Anytime you make a mistake, just cross it over and move on.’ He said further, ‘Trying to erase your mistakes would only damage your book to nothing.’ I told him in protest that I don’t want people to see my mistakes. The loving teacher laughed and said, ‘Trying to erase your mistakes will only make more people know about your mess, and the stigma could be for life.’ So have you made some mistakes in your life? Just cross them over and move on. Don’t expose yourself as a result of trying to cover your mistakes.”

REAL GUT-BUSTER (Elaine Schyve, Cohocton, New York): “A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scales and sucking in his stomach. ‘Ha­­! That’s not going to help any,’ she said. ‘Sure, it does,’ the husband said. ‘It’s the only way I can see the numbers.’”

BEING SQUEAKY CLEAN (Kirsten Lauth, Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio): “My friend called me in hysterics. ‘I just saw a mouse in my kitchen!’ she yelled. ‘I’m so grossed out! It’s so disgusting!’ ‘What are you going to do?’ I asked. ‘I’m not sure. But you can bet I’ll never eat the stuff I drop on the floor anymore.’

Down with Rodents! Barka da Sallah!

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